[Alicia Davis] Have you ever had the experience where somebody comes to you and they’re upset about something, or they’re frustrated about something, and you can’t solve it, you can’t figure it out with them, but you want to do something?That’s what we want to talk about today, because it seems like we’re seeing some themes about that happening with both individuals and teams, aren’t we, Stacie?

[Stacie Watson] Yeah, you know, I think, really this moment in time, there’s this feeling that a lot of us want to be able to do something to support the other people around us.

[Alicia Davis] That’s right.

[Stacie Watson] You know people that we may be are colleagues with, people that we are leading, if we are leaders of teams, and it can be hard to know what to do. People have all different types of lived experiences, and sometimes those lived experience show up in the workplace, and we want to be able to support people in a way that’s meaningful. It really causes you and I, Alicia, to go back to the very foundation of our coach training, right? Some principles that we learned, I think, day one of training…

[Alicia Davis] Yeah, for sure.

[Stacie Watson] It’s all about acknowledging and validating, right?

[Alicia Davis] Yeah, and, you know, we use those words and just to be really clear, acknowledging is simply the I like to say, you’re holding up a mirror and reflecting back the words that you heard to the person. And you’re doing it in a way that is, of course, it’s kind, respectful. Your intention behind it is to make sure that you’re really understanding what that person is saying. You know sometimes we’ve talked about this and people will like, you know why that takes more time? And because clarity matters. And when you reflect somebody’s words back to them, they know that they’ve been heard, and that has an impact, doesn’t it?

[Stacie Watson] Oh, I think being seen, valued and heard is the human condition. We all want to be able to experience that, and we want to be able to offer that to each other. So acknowledging really is that important reflection process. Making sure that I heard it and I got it. And then validating is simply saying it makes sense that you would be feeling that way, that you would have that experience. I don’t have to feel that way. I don’t have to have that experience. I can simply say, “Wow, Alicia, I can understand that you might be very sad about whatever that is, or that might be a really difficult position to be in.” And I think when we’re talking with people at work in particular, sometimes we’re not in a position to make their lives any, you know, different, and yet to be able to really acknowledge when they have challenges can be powerful, right?

[Alicia Davis] Yeah, and it’s that, that feeling state, right? Like what you just described, you know, like when, when we have connectionfrom a feeling perspective. Right, it also helps our it helps our nervous systems, like, if we’re really anxious, we’re really frustrated, we’re really upset. Somebody saying, “I see that you’re really upset. It makes perfect sense.” It actually helps the person’s nervous system to calm down a little bit. It helps them to focus, it helps them to be present. And that’s helpful even though you’re not solving the problem. It’s helpful just to maintain that, or come back to a little bit more, steadiness.

[Stacie Watson] Yeah, it also doesn’t mean that you’re agreeing. You know, you might have someone on the team that is upset about a policy change, or a change in direction, and we can acknowledge and validate that experience that they are having and still make the change in direction. So I think that’s important to understand that, you know, it’s not about agreeing so much as it really is about, as you said, connecting.

[Alicia Davis] That’s right. So we have a Communicate with Skill session coming up in our Learning Academy on February 25th. So if this is something that you think would be helpful for you or any of your staff, you could check it out at academy.tlstransforms.com and you can also email us info@tlstransforms.com. I’m Alicia Davis…

[Stacie Watson] I’m Stacie Watson…

[Alicia Davis] And thanks so much for watching.

[Stacie Watson] Thank you.