[Alicia Davis] Have you ever been in a conversation with somebody and you’re looking right at them? And then you have no idea what they just said to you?

[Stacie Watson] Or maybe you’ve been in a conversation with someone, and you have already decided what it is that needs to be said, and you’re simply waiting for them to take a breath. So you can jump in to give your thought, your solution, your opinion, whatever that might be.

[Alicia Davis] That’s right. And why does that happen, Stacie? It happens because the leaders that we work with, there’s a gadjillion things on their to-do list, they are putting out fires, right? And so they are literally trying to problem solve, problem solve, problem solve, and they are listening long enough to think they have enough information to help problem solve. And what we also know to be true is sometimes that’s not necessarily the case. Right?

[Stacie Watson] Well, right. So if you recall, we recently did a survey trying to understand what effective communication really means and how it shows up, or maybe ineffective communication. And one of the top issues or challenges around communication had to do with this idea of listening, active listening. And, you know, it makes a lot of sense, to your point, leaders are often just in the trenches, trying to make sure that all the work that needs to get done is getting done. And they’re trying to be as responsive as they can to people as they come to their office or as they connect with them. And the problem is, and we know this is true, that whatever the person may be saying, up front, may not actually be the whole issue, the full situation. And so it can be, even though it feels counterintuitive, it can really be helpful to just slow things down enough, maybe asking another question or a follow-up question, to better understand what’s going on in order to have a maybe different conversation.

[Alicia Davis] That’s right. And it’s almost like that, and what else, right? Or tell me more, or tell me how you’re feeling about that. Or right, it’s instead of just focusing on whatever’s in front. It’s listening deeply. And I think, you know, listening to hear is different than listening to understand. And I think that’s really the point that we want to make here. And psychologist Harriet Lerner talks about listening with the same passion with which you want to be listened to. So when you really think about it, when somebody really listens to you, it feels connecting, it feels relationship building, right? Not when somebody’s interrupting, you are throwing in their thoughts. It’s like you’re being listened to.

[Stacie Watson] Yeah.

[Alicia Davis] Right? Yeah.

[Stacie Watson] Well, I was just gonna say it reminds me… You know, I’ve heard people talk about leaders and other public figures. And one thing that sometimes people will say is, that person makes you feel like you’re the most important thing that they’re doing in that moment. And I always think what a compliment to give about someone, you know, to be able to give someone else that feeling like you are really present. And you’re really attentive to whatever it is that they’re saying. And again, it can feel difficult to do in our hectic, busy lives. And I think even just a little bit more of that. According to our survey, it seems like being able to do that a little bit more often would make a big difference.

[Alicia Davis] That’s right. So you have two ears, and one mouth for a reason. So we would invite you this week, try it once or twice, try listening a little longer. Or if you notice that you want to interrupt, or you notice that you’re solving the problem before the person is even stopped speaking. Just take a pause, take a deep breath, really be present, and see what happens. And we would love to know what happens right? Email is at info@TLStransforms.com. Put a message in Instagram direct message us at @TLS_transforms. We would love to know and this is this – what we share with you today is a little snippet from our Communicate with Skill learning session. So I’m Alicia Davis.

[Stacie Watson] I’m Stacie Watson.

[Alicia Davis] And we are the co-owners of Transformative Leadership Strategies, and thank you so much for listening.

[Stacie Watson] Thank you.