TLS Transforms, Author at Transformative Leadership Strategies

Multigenerational Teams

Most of us are working with individuals that come from a generation that’s different from our own. In fact, some organizations may have as many as five generations of workers on staff. During our video this week, we explore one way we can try to turn generational differences into generational benefits!

[Alicia Davis] If you have a team that has multiple generations in it, we have a great conversation about this, don’t we, Stacie?

[Stacie Watson] Yes, you know, I think that it’s interesting; we’ve spent a lot of time, as always, around teams and leaders. And when this topic comes up, I feel like, maybe more than many other topics, it generates a lot of energy. You know, people have a lot of opinions and feelings about what it means to be a 20-something in the workforce versus what it means to be a 30-40-50-something in the workforce. And what’s interesting is that all of those people are in the workforce. And so I think this is why it’s so interesting to teams, is because when they look around, this kind of diversity is something that they see. And I think for some of us, we have a lot of really strong stories that we’ve made up about what does it mean to be a person in your 20s working, you know, on this team, versus what does it mean to be a person, like me, in my 50s working on a team… And so we kind of have an interesting suggestion as to how you can start to even have a conversation around that, right?

[Alicia Davis] Yeah, you know, it’s really simple. I think part of, part of this is really about how we have conversations with people who may interact differently. I mean, I think one of the reasons that many teams are coming to us now is because, like you said, there are five, in some cases, there are five generations in the workforce, and so sometimes, to be able to be curious, right, to not go into a conversation or an interaction, having that thought of, well, this is the way I do it, or this is the way we’ve always done it, because there can be lots of innovation when you bring different opinions and different perspectives and different styles together, and can really cultivate that conversation. What do you see as our similarities? What do you see as our strengths? What do you see as, you know, ways that we could improve? I think it really it starts opening up that dialog.

[Stacie Watson] Yeah, I think your comment about curiosity is just always so important because if we can be really curious about how, you know, the younger – I’ll be a little stereotypical – the younger person’s technical skills might be beneficial to the team, right? Then that’s a really different way to think about that person and technology. Just like if you can think about a person like me, again, being stereotypical, sort of being the person that’s very focused on sort of getting this thing done, and whatever it takes, I’m here to do it, right? And so how can we kind of really lean into that? And so it’s just this idea of, how can we notice some of the stories we make up about each other, and figure out, well, is that true or not in this particular situation, and then, even with these differences, how can we find ways to work more effectively and more productively because of our differences, as opposed to in spite of our differences? Right?

[Alicia Davis] That’s exactly right. That’s exactly right. And we’ve got a session coming up in our Learning Academy on “Leading a Multigenerational Team.” It’s coming up on December 5th. So if that’s something that might interest you or your team Academy.TLStransforms.com. And I’m Alicia Davis…

[Stacie Watson] I’m Stacie Watson…

[Alicia Davis] And thanks so much.

[Stacie Watson] Thank you.

Setting Healthy Boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries can be one of the most challenging things we do as humans. And when you bring a group of humans together on a team – it can be even more tricky! Listen to this week’s video as we share a simple, yet very effective method for setting healthy boundaries!

[Alicia Davis] Have you ever had a hard time setting a boundary with someone at work, at home? Doesn’t matter… If so, we’ve got a little formula for you that we think really works and we really love, don’t we, Stacie?

[Stacie Watson] Yes, and as is often the case, our inspiration comes from Brené Brown and…

[Alicia Davis] Love her!

[Stacie Watson] …I know, right? We were listening to one of her podcasts. It’s been a while ago now, maybe even a year or two ago, and she was talking about sort of, the challenge of setting boundaries. And I think setting boundaries for most of us really is difficult because sometimes we don’t feel like we have permission to set the boundary, or maybe we’re not quite sure how to set the boundary. And one of the things that Brene talked about was that many of us think about boundaries initially as what is not okay, so…

[Alicia Davis] Right.

[Stacie Watson] …I put a fence around my house to show that this is where my property ends and yours starts. So it’s not okay to come across unless I invite you, right? And that’s, I think, a really logical way to think about boundaries. And she brought a little nuance to it that I think is a really interesting way to make the boundaries feel a little bit more expansive and yet still steady or sturdy, right?

[Alicia Davis] That’s right. And here’s the formula. It’s “here’s what’s okay, and here’s what’s not okay.” So, let’s just share a couple of examples today. So we were, I was actually talking with a leadership team – or actually doing a coaching session with one of the managers – and she didn’t want to close her door because she always wanted to feel like she was available to her staff, right? So part of it was she needed to communicate that to her staff, so like a here’s, here’s, what’s okay. It’s okay if you want to come and have one-on-one time with me. Absolutely, perfectly okay. It’s not okay if I have my door closed and you knock on the door, and maybe have my sign on that says, “focus on,” right, unless it’s an emergency, it’s not okay for you to knock on the door and interrupt me. So, or it’s, you know, it is okay, you know, somebody’s mad, right? You’re in a meeting with somebody. Maybe it’s a peer, and somebody gets really mad, and they get very aggressive, like, maybe they’re shouting. So it can be used, like, okay, it is perfectly okay that you are frustrated and angry right now. It is not okay that you are yelling in my face.

[Stacie Watson] Right.

[Alicia Davis] Right? So it’s saying you are a human being. You have feelings and needs. I am a human being. I have feelings and needs. And we can still hold a boundary while acknowledging the other person.

[Stacie Watson] Yeah, you know, I was doing some work with the team recently, and the way this plays out, or played out for this particular team is, there were a lot of feelings about changes that had taken place, and it was really causing the team to be pretty stuck. And so, you know, we kind of explored the idea of, how do you kind of set a boundary to say it’s okay that we have big feelings about some of the changes that took place, and it’s not okay for us to be just stuck there, because we’re not effective, we’re not efficient. We have to find a way to move forward. So I think boundaries show up for us as people and individuals, as leaders, as team members and even on teams, how we think about the boundaries we put around the work that we do and how we do it, it’s really important.

[Alicia Davis] That’s right. And we have a session in our Learning Academy that is Creating Healthy Boundaries at Work, where we do a deeper dive into this. And that’s coming up on November 21st, so if you want to check that out, it’s Academy.TLStransforms.com. And I’m Alicia Davis…

[Stacie Watson] I’m Stacie Watson.

[Alicia Davis] Thanks so much for watching.

[Stacie Watson] Thank you.

Team Trust Begins with You

Often when we work with teams who are experiencing a lack of trust among team members, there’s a tendency for those members to focus on others on the team – what those individuals are, or are not, doing. In today’s video, we remind ourselves that building trust starts with the one person we have any control over. Any guesses?

[Alicia Davis] So we’re curious if you – when you think about building trust on a team – do you consider yourself first, or do you think about other people first? Today, we’re going to talk about how we start with ourselves first. Right, Stacie?

[Stacie Watson] Yes, it’s really interesting. We do a lot of work with teams at TLS, and we love the work that we do with teams. And sometimes we work with teams where it does feel like one of the challenges is that the team members don’t trust each other. And it’s interesting when you go in and begin having conversations with folks, especially if you talk to them individually, a lot of times, I notice, I think you’ve noticed Alicia…

[Alicia Davis] Mmm hmmm…

[Stacie Watson] That the focus is on the other members of the team, what they do, what they don’t do, sort of why they are the problem, You know, when it comes to being trustworthy or accountable, or any of the things that you know, teams focus on. And it’s true there can be problematic members of teams. There’s no question. And it really is interesting, how often folks do focus on others and forget, in some ways, to start with themselves when you think about trust.

[Alicia Davis] It’s so easy to do, right? Like we’re just as human beings, we’re focused outward often, and especially, I think it’s interesting, right, because we primarily work with nonprofit leaders, not exclusively. And, you know, there’s so much that is focused on others in terms of providing care that it’s kind of a reflex, right? And it can really be helpful. You know, we are very inspired by different books and podcasts and things that we read. And this comes from the Speed of Trust book by Stephen M.R. Covey, where trust begins within. And we love the way that he defines trustworthiness, like how can we show up first, be our best selves, and be really doing our best to cultivate trustworthiness. There’s really two aspects of it. Part of it is character, right? Part of it is our values, our intentions, and how we walk our talk. And it’s also about our competence because we can have the best, most magnetic personality in the universe, and it doesn’t matter if we don’t know what we’re doing because people, teams especially, really need and want leaders who can really understand what they are living and dealing with and managing every day. And confidence matters.

[Stacie Watson] Well, it does. Both of these things are so important, and we’ve seen leaders sort of focus on one, almost to the exclusion of others. You know, you can have someone so focused on the bottom line and results, but they’re not necessarily showing up in a way that inspires, that motivates, you know, that really causes the team to want to get behind them or next to them and move forward, you know. And as you said, you can have the reverse: people who are motivational and inspiring and yet don’t necessarily deliver results. And so I think we’re just inviting each person listening, if you’re listening today, to just consider your own sort of trustworthiness and how you show up with your teammates, and we talk about this in our upcoming Leadership Academy session, right?

[Alicia Davis] We do—The Power of Strengthening Team Trust—and it’s coming up on November 12th in our Learning Academy. So you can always check it out at academy.tlstransforms.com or reach out to us at info@tlstransforms.com. And I’m Alicia Davis…

[Stacie Watson] I’m Stacie Watson…

[Alicia Davis] …and thanks so much for listening.

[Stacie Watson] Thank you.

The Importance of Team Trust

Everyone knows that trust is an important – maybe even essential – quality to have on a team. But do you know just how important it really is? In today’s video, we demonstrate a simple exercise that reinforces the idea that without trust, even when things are going OK, the team may struggle!

[Alicia Davis] All right, Stacie, so I am curious, for those who are listening, how important do you think trust is to building a team? What do you think, Stacie?

[Stacie Watson] Well, I mean, there’s a lot of research out there about that question, and I think the simple answer is it’s really, really important.

[Alicia Davis] Really important. Big, important.

[Stacie Watson] Really big important. And I have a really fun, simple little exercise that we can do, that can kind of demonstrate, at least from one perspective, why it’s so important. So you game for us do it?

[Alicia Davis] Let’s do it!

[Stacie Watson] Okay, great. So it’s a little thought exercise, so if you’re watching the video, I invite you to follow along. So the first question – think about the worst boss that you ever had, hopefully not the person you have right now. Worst boss.

[Alicia Davis] Okay.

[Stacie Watson] And share one or two positive qualities that person had. So, worst boss, but positive qualities.

[Alicia Davis] Alright. Um, okay, positive quality was she got things done, like she made things happen. Um, that’s about all I can come up with.

[Stacie Watson] That’s enough. Just one. All right. So then we’re going to do the opposite again if you’re following along. The question is, who is the best boss you ever had? Hopefully, maybe the person you’re reporting to right now. Best boss and maybe one quality that sort of drives you crazy or drove you crazy.

[Alicia Davis] Yeah, so my best boss was so compassionate, so kind, and sometimes what drove me a little bit crazy was she didn’t make decisions really quickly because she really wanted to try to get consensus, get lots of feedback and input, and make sure everybody was pretty happy with the outcome of that decision. So sometimes that was a challenge.

[Stacie Watson] Yeah, perfect. So here’s sort of the “so what” of the exercise?

[Alicia Davis] Okay.

[Stacie Watson]For the worst boss, did you trust that person – even with their positive quality?

[Alicia Davis] No, no, no…

[Stacie Watson] And with your best boss, even with the thing or things that drove you crazy, did you trust that person?

[Alicia Davis] Absolutely, without a doubt!

[Stacie Watson] Yeah. So why is that thought exercise so reflective of the importance of trust?

[Alicia Davis] Yeah, it’s so important, right? Because trust is, it feels intangible, and yet we know it like deep in our gut, whether we trust someone or not.

[Stacie Watson] Yes. Yes.

[Alicia Davis] So it really comes down to what Stacie?

[Stacie Watson] Well, it’s just this idea that when we have trust on our team, we have room to not be perfect. We have room to weather challenges. We have room to make mistakes. We have room to allow people to try things and maybe it works wonderfully and maybe not. When there’s no trust, there’s no space. There’s no room for, even when people are doing things that are relatively positive, we might be somehow finding the negative, right?

[Alicia Davis] That’s right.

[Stacie Watson] I think we underestimate how trust matters, even when it comes to being productive and effective as a team. And that’s part of what we talk about in our upcoming session, right?

[Alicia Davis] That’s right, the Power of Strengthening Team Trust, where we really dig deep into some of these qualities, characteristics, and approaches. How do we build that, and what gets in the way of building that? So it’s coming up on November 12th. It’s in our Learning Academy. So you can always check it out at academy.tlstransforms.com. And I’m Alicia Davis…

[Stacie Watson] I’m Stacie Watson…

[Alicia Davis] And thanks so much for listening, and we’ll talk to you soon.

[Stacie Watson] Take care.

Work-Life Harmony

Work-Life Balance. Some folks have some pretty strong feelings about this topic. This week, we discuss the problem of using the word ‘balance’ when talking about our complicated lives. Join us to hear the conversation!

[Alicia Davis] Work life balance. When we say that, how many of us are like…

[Stacie Watson] Right! Impossible.

[Alicia Davis] Impossible! You know, Stacie, you and I are always trying to find new ways to talk about things, and you found something this past couple of weeks in researching that we both really resonated with in terms of this topic, right?

[Stacie Watson] Yeah, we were actually looking at the topic of overwhelm. And, of course, you can imagine there’s a strong connection between feelings of overwhelm and the need to feel more in balance. And one of the things that came up was this idea of work-life harmony, and it was just such an interesting way to think about it because I think sometimes, when we think about balance, we think about scales, right? And you know, if everything’s equally balanced and you’ve got the same amount of weight on each side of the scale, it’s perfectly balanced. And when we think about the way our life actually works, that isn’t really what balance looks like. I know in our training session on balance, we really emphasize the fact that we’re always making decisions about where we’re placing time and attention and energy and effort based on what’s going on at home and what’s going on at work. So this idea of harmony feels different, doesn’t it?

[Alicia Davis] It does because it gives you – there’s much more fluidity and flexibility in that, which is really what balance is meant to be. Balance is a constant shifting. It’s a constant looking at what’s most important right now, right? So when we’re thinking about harmony, you know, I might, one week, might be spending a lot of time doing work and not a lot of time doing other things. And then it can shift. Or I can, you know, I do… well this weekend, this past weekend, I did a Saturday session, and – I don’t – we don’t often do Saturday workshops with clients. And so Sunday was for me. I just let myself kind of do nothing. I did Sudoku. I did my New York Times games and just rested. Just rested. And there’s the harmony there. So, you know, I think that harmony can, I think, just give us a little bit of a different mind state or approach as we’re thinking about work and life and how it all kind of flows together.

[Stacie Watson] Absolutely.

[Alicia Davis] So if that’s something that you would like to explore more for you or your staff, we’ve got a session coming up in the Learning Academy on October 30, which is Balance is A Verb, and we’d love to have you join us Academy.TLStransforms.com, and I’m Alicia Davis…

[Stacie Watson] And I’m Stacie Watson…

[Alicia Davis] And we love to offer skills to nonprofits and to leaders and teams. So, thanks so much. Take care.

[Stacie Watson] Thank you.

Balance is a Mindset Shift

If we were to ask you to name three reasons that the feeling of ‘balance’ seems impossible, our guess is you could name three without giving it much thought. Why is that? In this week’s video we touch on some of our ‘hard-wiring’ that can get in the way and what we can do about it!

[Alicia Davis] So, we’re curious: are you sick of talking about balance and self-care? Balance and self-care for yourself – for your team – like we kind of feel that it’s overused in a way, and yet, at the same time, we all need balance and self-care. So what’s up with that, Stacie?

[Stacie Watson] Well, it is interesting. You know, when you talk to leaders and team members, you hear both – and – right? Everybody feels like all they do is talk about the importance of balance and self-care, and yet everybody feels out of balance and the fact that they need some care. And I just had this really interesting experience in a session that I was facilitating a week ago where there was a leader in the room, and we were just exploring what does it mean to have moments of just, whether you call it self-care or just, how can I, you know, sort of set a boundary around a little bit of time that’s really for me. And so she described this really specific set of things she could do. I could sit in front of a fire. I could read my book and maybe have a glass of bourbon next to me, right? We could all see the picture of what that moment of balance might look like for her. And then, at the end of this beautiful picture she painted, she said, but that’s not possible.

[Alicia Davis] Right!

[Stacie Watson] And it was so interesting because I think that is exactly what many of us do. We sort of have a sense of these moments that we can find, or these practices that we could participate in, that can offer us a little bit of that. But when it comes to setting that boundary or sort of actually doing it, it can feel impossible, right?

[Alicia Davis] Yeah, it’s really interesting how our mind can get very focused-in on what’s not possible, right? That’s part of overwhelm, actually, is that the brain starts beginning to think, oh, I can only do certain things, and I can’t do other things. And so, you know, I think that’s part of the conversation is to really, be really curious and really kind to yourself and say, well, well, how true is that, really?

[Stacie Watson] Exactly!

[Alicia Davis] And one of the things that we like to talk about is micro-moments, like could you take five minutes? Could you take five minutes and sit down in that chair and enjoy the fire? Could you take 10 minutes? Right? And so it’s what are those little things that I think, whatever the feeling state is for you, you know. I know somebody said to you that they felt a little bit more ease.

[Stacie Watson] Yes!

[Alicia Davis] That really resonated for you. Sometimes it feels to people like it’s being able to focus, sometimes it’s being able to slow down, right? I had somebody in my sessions last week – we were talking about how when they feel more in balance, they feel grounded.

[Stacie Watson] Yeah.

[Alicia Davis] Everybody has their own experience of it. And I think that’s the other thing that we just really want to emphasize here – whatever you refer to it as, it’s how do you do something that is a little bit restorative to you.

[Stacie Watson] Yes, and recognizing, you know – exactly – it’s different for each person. And while you know the big things we can do for ourselves – taking a vacation or going on a retreat – you know those are amazing, and honestly, those don’t come that often. Our lives are very busy, so finding these moments where we can just set a little bit of a boundary. And really it comes down to just boundary setting, a little bit of a boundary around, as you said, a micro-moment, a small period of time to do something that’s meaningful. And this is really a big part of our upcoming training session on the topic of balance, right?

[Alicia Davis] That’s right, and our topic in the Learning Academy is Balance is a Verb.

[Stacie Watson] Yes.

[Alicia Davis] And it’s really very much based on how we set boundaries. How do we manage the guilt that comes up when we set boundaries, and how can we have a little bit more self-compassion for ourselves in whatever this process is around balance? So I’m Alicia Davis…

[Stacie Watson] I’m Stacie Watson…

[Alicia Davis] And that session is coming up, I believe, on October 30th, and you can check it out at academy.TLStransforms.com. Thank you so much.

[Stacie Watson] Thank you.

Accountability Requires Shared Understanding

When it comes to accountability, it’s easy to point to examples where it’s NOT working. But what can we focus on to INCREASE accountability among staff? This week’s video addresses this important question, so give it a listen!

[Alicia Davis] So if you are a leader that needs to hold people accountable, this will be a really good video to listen to, because that has been a theme that we have been talking about this past couple of weeks, isn’t it, Stacie?

[Stacie Watson] Oh gosh. It seems like every recent session that you or I have done related to the topic of leadership, this idea of accountability comes up. And you know, it’s so interesting to me, Alicia, because often, when you or I are asked to go in and work with teams who maybe are struggling, this idea of accountability is often something that they are struggling about. And when you start to talk to individual team members, one of the things that’s so interesting is that there doesn’t seem to be really a shared understanding of whatever the expectations are. There might be a general understanding, but when you get into the specifics, like, who’s doing what, when is it do, what does it need to include… that level of detail, I think it just isn’t always there. And I think sometimes leaders think it’s there, but it’s not, right?

[Alicia Davis] Well, it’s not. And I think part of it is, you know, I think as leaders, I mean, this happens for you and I like, we’re thinking about it, we’re thinking about all the details, and then we go to communicate it, and there’s just assumptions that are made. Or we’re moving sometimes so fast that we forget to say, oh, so the bottom line is, you know, you’re gonna, you know, make that post, or you’re gonna reach out to that person. We just talk about it, and then we’re like, well, who’s doing what? And, you know, I think it’s, it’s just so common to kind of miss some of those details. And I think one of the things that we have been sharing with teams and really encouraging people is to be really specific, right? It’s almost like setting a SMART goal, right? Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Time-Bound. Like, who’s doing what? When are you doing it by? You know, what are you expecting as the outcome? And sometimes it’s the why of it, right? Accountability can also be getting people on board with the why. A little bit of a motivation, but it’s really those specifics that can really trip people up.

[Stacie Watson] Yeah, and you know, even if you’re listening to this and thinking, well, that’s not the issue I have with accountability. I would invite you, or we would invite you to just go back and ask… ask the person on your team, or ask the members of your team, especially if there’s an area where things are just not getting done, or they’re not getting done to expectation. Just ask them to tell you what the expectation is, and ask them to include all those details in that summary back to you. Because it might be that they’re just not doing their work, and it might be that there is some lack of clarity or lack of understanding, and either way, you’ll have more information, which I think can be helpful, and this is a part of the conversation that we have in our Culture of Accountability session, right?

[Alicia Davis] We have the Learning Academy training session coming up on Creating a Culture of Accountability, and that’s coming up on October 24th. So, if that’s something that you think would be helpful for you or your staff, we encourage you to check it out. It’s at Academy.TLStransforms.com and I’m Alicia Davis…

[Stacie Watson] And I’m Stacie Watson…

[Alicia Davis] And we support nonprofits, building nonprofits one skill at a time. Thanks so much for listening.

[Stacie Watson] Thank you.

Imposter Syndrome

Ever had a feeling of uncertainty or doubt that caused you to wonder if you ‘deserved’ your leadership role? If so, you are not alone! Listen to hear a couple of simple strategies that might be helpful when those moments of doubt arise.

[Alicia Davis] So we were just talking with a group of a mix of CEOs and executive leaders, and the topic of imposter syndrome came up, and we thought, let’s talk about that on our video because it’s actually not the first time that it has come up recently. Is it Stacie?

[Stacie Watson] No, I was just meeting with a somewhat new executive director, and she was sharing some of those same sentiments. And you know, it’s true that so many of our organizational clients have had lots of staffing and leadership changes over the last couple of years.

[Alicia Davis] For sure.

[Stacie Watson] And of course, the good news about that is often people are getting promoted into more senior levels of leadership. And what can be not so positive feeling anyway, is this feeling like I’ve just gotten moved into this more senior level and I don’t know what I’m doing right?

[Alicia Davis] Right. And it’s actually probably more common than you might think.

[Stacie Watson] Correct.

[Alicia Davis] And really, I mean, and this is actually what research shows like, it is a normal reaction. It’s a normal feeling to have uncertainty or anxiety or even doubt when you’re trying something new. Or even as you’re going – you know – moving up in terms of your responsibilities in your role in an organization, people look at you and think you’re supposed to know stuff just because you’re in that role, right? And it’s kind of an unrealistic expectation, and yet it just pops up in our minds and in other people’s minds, and so then we just kind of take that on, right? And then we can start feeling inadequate, and we can really start worrying, and we can start thinking and ruminating all about like, “Am I really in the right position?” “Should I really have taken this role?” Right? And all of those things that go down the rabbit hole.

[Stacie Watson] Yeah.

[Alicia Davis] But what do we do instead? Stacie?

[Stacie Watson] Well, I think sometimes it’s really helpful to notice those feelings or thoughts and not to just believe them, even though we have them, especially those doubting thoughts. Like I think we can just start to believe that story, and it is just that it’s a story. And one way that one of the leaders in our conversation earlier today talked about trying to remind herself is to say, “would I expect a colleague who had been in the role as long as I have to know this?”

[Alicia Davis] That’s right.

[Stacie Watson] And if the answer is no, then that’s probably helpful to remember that that’s true for ourselves as well. So if we’re going to extend a little grace to others, maybe there’s a way for us to extend that grace for ourselves. So I think our invitation for you, if you are experiencing these feelings of uncertainty or doubt, is to first notice them and then to really just be as kind as you can about sort of the journey of learning in a new role.

[Alicia Davis] That’s right, and to really, as appropriate, ask for support. And maybe it’s not support in the office, maybe it’s support outside of the office, or maybe it’s even calling up a colleague or somebody that you trust and just talking it out and getting that that feedback. And it’s also about, you know, just noticing the feelings, knowing that the feelings will shift, and the more that you can really, you know, somebody saw the potential in you and promoted you or put you in that role, right? So they saw that in you. So how might you even just remember to hold on to that as well. So from the internal and from the external, having that validation and support.

[Stacie Watson] Yeah.

[Alicia Davis] So I’m Alicia Davis…

[Stacie Watson] I’m Stacie Watson…

[Alicia Davis] And we are the owners of Transformative Leadership Strategies and certainly would love to hear from you info@TLStransforms.com in terms of how perhaps you might have supported yourself through some doubt and uncertainty. So thank you so much for listening and take care.

[Stacie Watson] Thank you.

Stress and Negativity Bias

When we are stressed out and full of anxiety, it can be easy to focus on everything that’s going poorly and overlook things that may be going well. Why do we do this? Well, part of it is our hard-wiring! Listen this week to hear more about this natural tendency and how we might notice this pattern and what we can do about it!

[Alicia Davis] Have you ever had the experience that your mind is just going in a bazillion different directions, and because of that, you start feeling overwhelmed or anxious, maybe even frustrated? Now, you might notice the feelings first before you notice what’s going on in your mind. And that’s what we want to talk about today. There is a connection between the mind and the body, what we think and how we feel. Right, Stacie? And that’s what we want to just talk a little bit about today, like how to stay a little more calm even in the midst of all the crazy, the chaos, right?

[Stacie Watson] Absolutely. And you know, one of the things I know can happen for me, and I think it’s very common for many of us, is this idea that when I feel that things are chaotic, I tend to focus on the things that aren’t, that aren’t working, that aren’t the way I want them to be. I can kind of get negative, to be perfectly honest, and it’s hard sometimes to get out of that mode. So once I start noticing what I’m not happy about, it seems easier to continue to focus on that than anything else. And what’s that all about?

[Alicia Davis] Well, it’s really about how our brain is hardwired and how it works under stress, and it actually is called negativity bias. And basically what it means is the brain is looking for all the ways that it’s trying to keep you safe, but it’s looking for all the things that are going to go wrong. And so we actually it shows up like we can notice it in our brain when we start going, what if, like, we start thinking all about the things in the future and all the things like we’re planning for, all the scenarios that are not going to work. Or we’re just really, we start noticing that we’re critical or judgmental, and so part of it is noticing when that pattern, when those words start happening in your own mind, right? The shift is very much about how do I bring that more to just what is right in front of me right now. What do I have control over? One of the things I like to say is where we put our focus – whatever we focus on – expands. Focus on the solution versus the problem. And that’s really, that’s really part of mindfulness, and that’s what we really explore in our Finding Calm in the Chaos session, decreasing stress through mindfulness. And we’ve got that coming up in our Learning Academy on August 27th – the end of August, and you can check that out at Academy.TLStransforms.com. And thank you so much for listening. I’m Alicia Davis…

[Stacie Watson] I’m Stacie Watson…

[Alicia Davis] We wish you a little bit of calm in the middle of whatever chaos your day is today. Thanks so much.

[Stacie Watson] Thank you.

Boundaries Can Decrease Burnout

Give. Give. Give. Many of our listeners seem to be ‘hard-wired’ to focus on others. While this can be a tremendous gift for others, it can be exhausting for the ‘giver’. This week’s conversation connects the idea of healthy boundaries to how we might address signs and symptoms of burnout.

[Alicia Davis] If you are a manager and you are experiencing perhaps a little bit of fatigue, overwhelm, or burnout… You know, we often think about things around self-care being helpful, and we also want to make a connection between “that might be happening because maybe you need to be setting some different boundaries.” And that’s what we want to talk about today, don’t we, Stacie?

[Stacie Watson] Yes, I agree that I think for folks who, and if you’re watching this, you might consider yourself a person that’s kind of hard-wired to think of others too, you know, center others in your work and in your personal life. And that’s wonderful. I always say that makes the world go round. And, of course, the challenges can also lead to moments or times where we feel exhausted and overwhelmed, and maybe even a little burned out. And one of the things that we know to be true is that oftentimes managers are the last people to say no. So they have the open door policy, or they continue to do the work they used to do in their prior role while they’re doing the work that is now part of their new role. And I just think it’s really helpful to think about what healthy boundaries might look like, in, you know, in the workplace, and to really think about it in terms of being curious as opposed to feeling like, well, it’s impossible to set the boundary, right?

[Alicia Davis] And we can also think about, you know, boundaries can be an internal process too, like, so let’s say you’re a manager, right, and you’ve got staff coming into your office, perhaps it’s a couple of people in particular, and they just always have lots of questions, or they’re having emotional reactions about things, and they’re needing support. You know, sometimes it can be about just inside of yourself saying, you know, what, like, couple of times, okay, and let me start asking some questions or let me try figuring out how to empower that person to be able to solve the problem without coming to me. And so, you know, part of that internal boundary then translates, right? So it’s like you, you need as a manager to be able to put some, put some parameters around your mental and emotional capacity, right? Like you can’t be available 24/7 365. So, part of it is maybe pausing when you feel that impulse to jump in, give advice, or just go do it yourself. And like you said, Stacie, ask a question, do something that’s really reinforcing so that the other person can feel a little more empowered to take that action for themselves.

[Stacie Watson] Yeah, that’s right.

[Alicia Davis] And we’ve got a session coming up in our Learning Academy on Navigating Healthy Boundaries with Staff and it’s on August 20th. We’d invite you to check it out at Academy.TLStransforms.com. I’m Alicia Davis.

[Stacie Watson] I’m Stacie Watson.

[Alicia Davis] And we are the founders and coowners of Transformative Leadership Strategies where we do all things that are training in team building for managers and staff, especially in nonprofits. So, thanks so much for listening.

[Stacie Watson] Thank you.

Managing Former Peers

Many of us have had the experience of being promoted into a position where we are asked to manage former peers. This situation can be awkward at best and downright challenging when things don’t go well. This week’s conversation is all about this topic and offers some simple, yet effective approaches for handling this situation.

[Alicia Davis] If you are a manager, maybe you were recently promoted, and now you need to manage someone that used to be your peer… that’s what we’re going to talk about today because we know how uncomfortable and challenging that can be, don’t we Stacie?

[Stacie Watson] Yes, we certainly do. And you know, so many of the organizations we work with really pride themselves on promoting from within.

[Alicia Davis] For sure.

[Stacie Watson] And, you know, it’s such a really powerful and empowering practice to have as an organization. And it can be a little challenging if you’re the person that’s been promoted. And so we wanted to just talk a little bit about maybe just one or two things that you might want to consider in terms of how you approach and deal with these folks who used to be peers, and now are, you know, reporting to you in your new role. And I think one of the things is just to be really open and honest about the fact that others on the team might have some big feelings about it. Right?

[Alicia Davis] Right, especially if others on the team are also – potentially – in running for the promotion. Right? There might be feelings of disappointment, or frustration, or maybe even anger. And so, you know, as hard as that, that conversation might be, I think you use the word overt like, it is really important to just be really, you know, courageous, and have these conversations as soon as possible and really validate people’s feelings and acknowledge that right? And that it’s very much about how expectations are set. Right?

[Stacie Watson] Right. Yeah. You know, I think that’s a big part. I mean, honestly, that’s a big part of any direct report relationship, we went to always set clear expectations with the people on our team. And in this particular situation, it can be even maybe more important because the relationship dynamics have changed.

[Alicia Davis] That’s right.

[Stacie Watson] So to be able to be really clear about sort of what my roles and responsibilities will involve, and what your roles and responsibilities will involve the more again, overt, clear we can be, just the better it is for everyone, you know. Brene Brown says “clear is kind,” and…

[Alicia Davis] That’s right.

[Stacie Watson] I love, I love that quote. Because even though it might feel hard to have the conversation, in some ways, it is the most supportive and kind thing we can do often.

[Alicia Davis] That’s right. For sure. And we have upcoming, in our TLS Learning Academy, a two-hour session on Navigating Healthy Boundaries with Staff. So it’s coming up on August 20th. If you want to check it out, it’s at academy.TLStransforms.com. And I’m Alicia Davis.

[Stacie Watson] I’m Stacie Watson.

[Alicia Davis] And we are the founders and co-owners of Transformative Leadership Strategies then, thanks so much for listening. Talk to you soon.

[Stacie Watson] Thank you.

Giving Constructive Feedback

Giving constructive feedback to someone on your team can be really challenging. You may notice feelings of anxiety, stress, or even dread – and that’s before the conversation even takes place! Listen today to learn a simple way to manage your own discomfort and how you can approach the conversation in a slightly different, more productive, way.

[Alicia Davis] So as a manager, you probably have to give feedback to your staff that is challenging. And what we hear all the time from our clients is that that can be really difficult. And that’s what we want to talk about today, we want to offer some tips and strategies about how to how to prepare yourself and how to do that perhaps a little bit more effectively with a little less anxiety, right, Stacie?

[Stacie Watson] Absolutely, you know, that whole idea of preparing yourself is really worth taking just a moment to talk about. I think, oftentimes, we are very preoccupied with the words we’re going to use with the person and what their reaction or their response might be. And it’s easy to forget that part of why this process is difficult is because we ourselves feel anxiety. And so the more that we can really recognize our own discomfort, and whether it’s taking a few deep breaths, or whether it’s maybe even practicing what you want to say, with someone, or your manager, or a trusted colleague, just so the words feel more comfortable, or familiar, you know… Any of those things that we can do to prepare ourselves can just help us go into the conversation with a little bit less anxiety, and that can really help us be more productive in our conversation. And you have some thoughts about that, right?

[Alicia Davis] Well, yeah, you know, it came up yesterday in a session I was doing… Constructive criticism, we often put that together and criticism is not constructive. What we’re offering is feedback, right? And so going into that, you know, not only having practiced with those words but going in with the intention of support. So even if you’re wanting someone to redirect or shift their behavior in some way, to be sharing in a way that is about them learning and growing, not so much about it being punitive in some way. Right? So having that intention and that language about, about growth and about support, I think can really can really make a difference, you know, in your conversation, right? That’s the constructive part, building someone up, right? So, we, we have this session called “Communicate to Drive Action” in our Learning Academy, and it’s coming up actually at the end of July. And so if you or some of your staff want to learn more or practice these skills, join us on July 31st in the Learning Academy. So, I’m Alicia Davis.

[Stacie Watson] I’m Stacie Watson.

[Alicia Davis] And thanks so much for listening. We’ll talk to you soon. Check us out at Academy.TLSTransforms.com. Thanks.

[Stacie Watson] Thank you.

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