[Alicia Davis] Have you ever received constructive feedback at work and found yourself in that moment, not really knowing what to say? If so, we want to really support the conversation that we’ve been having around giving and receiving constructive feedback, don’t we Stacie?
[Stacie Watson] We do, you know, I think most people can relate to those moments that come in our careers when we receive constructive feedback. And in the moment, you know, we can have all sorts of reactions, you know? We can become very defensive… we can sort of feel ourselves shutting down… we can start to feel like we need to explain away whatever’s being said.
[Alicia Davis] That’s right.
[Stacie Watson] I mean, it and you know, we talked in a previous video about how our biology can take over, you know, that sort of fight-flight-freeze kind of response system is often triggered in these moments of receiving constructive feedback. So what is it that we can do? Because I think sometimes that biology is going to happen. So what do we do about it?
[Alicia Davis] Of course, of course! But you know, I think it’s the easiest thing, and the hardest thing to do, which is really to pause and take some deep breath, and really listen. And also, take some time, you know, like, I think, like you said, Stacie, I think we often in those moments feel like we need to say something, or we need to do something immediately, right? And I think what we want to offer is that it takes time for you to process all the information, right? It takes time for your body to get out of that reactivity mode and get into more of a thoughtful mode of well, “How true is that?” Or to be able to ask questions about “well, you know, am I aware of that in myself? Is that something that I can change? If so, what do I want to do?” You know, we need to sometimes it can be just as it can be helpful to say, “You know what, I hear that I’m really going to take it under consideration and can we set up a time to come back and talk about it again, after I’ve had some time to think about it?” Right?
[Stacie Watson] Yeah, you know, it’s absolutely! It’s really interesting when you think about the person delivering the feedback, who has given theoretically, and hopefully, has given real thought to that feedback – to that constructive feedback.
[Alicia Davis] That’s right.
[Stacie Watson] They’ve sat with it. They thought of examples. Perhaps they documented certain things. And for the person receiving the feedback, it’s sometimes the first time they may have heard that.
[Alicia Davis] That’s right.
[Stacie Watson] Or heard it in that way.
[Alicia Davis] That’s right.
[Stacie Watson]So it makes sense that we might be able to sort of hit a little bit of a pause button and just ask for opportunity to just give it consideration ourselves before we go back and have that conversation. And I don’t think most of us feel like that’s okay. And so I think that’s a really important message that we wanted to share.
[Alicia Davis] That’s right, for sure. It is okay to ask for time to respond thoughtfully. And with some intention, right?
[Stacie Watson] Absolutely.
[Alicia Davis] So I’m Alicia Davis.
[Stacie Watson] I’m Stacie Watson.
[Alicia Davis] We are the co-owners of Transformative Leadership Strategies. And we just so appreciate supporting nonprofit leaders and teams around really working through some of these challenging situations that can come up. So please, DM us, email us at info@tlstransforms.com. We’d love to hear your thoughts about this topic. So thank you so much.
[Stacie Watson] Thank you.
