[Alicia Davis] So, Stacie, the year has just started. We’ve already been having conversations with clients and potential new clients. A theme we are already hearing this year is that we need to have difficult conversations with our staff, and we just don’t know quite how to go about doing it.

[Stacie Watson] Yeah!

[Alicia Davis] We talked about that this morning.

[Stacie Watson] 100%! We were talking to a couple of leaders just yesterday, as a matter of fact, and they were talking about their organization, and like so many of our client organizations, they have a lot of leaders who started in direct care and moved their way up throughout, you know, kind of the leadership levels. And of course, every time that happens, there’s a possibility that I am now leading people who used to be my peers. And so, you know, that’s just one example of how complicated all of this is. And so we thought we might talk about this topic in two parts, and this week, we wanted to focus on kind of what’s going on on the inside when we know we’re going to have to go into a conversation that maybe won’t be well received by the person we’re talking to, for a variety of reasons. Perhaps they don’t agree with our assessment of their performance, or whatever it may be.

[Alicia Davis] Right.

[Stacie Watson] And I know that for many of us, that potential discomfort or that potential awkwardness or the pushback or even the emotions the other person has is enough to kind of stop us in our tracks, right? We get the anxious belly, the tight chest, and so what are some ways that we can prepare ourselves, even before we sit down in a room with the person, or get on to the, you know, Zoom screen or Teams screen with the person, what can we do to help ourselves be ready for the conversation?

[Alicia Davis] Well, you know, Stacie, we have a workshop on this, and we talk about how do we emotionally prepare ourselves, and how do we mentally prepare ourselves? And I really think the first step, you know, in addition to what you just said, I do think, especially in nonprofit environments, there is a lot of trauma that we’re also managing, right?

[Stacie Watson] For sure.

[Alicia Davis] And so I think it’s even noticing as an individual in that environment, even, you know, you may notice that you feel triggered, right? Or have a big emotional response when somebody comes to you, and you need to address it, right? So these difficult conversations can happen in lots of different ways. And I think the first thing then is really to be able to pause for a moment, whether it’s right, whether it’s happening in the moment, or whether you have time to prepare. But it is pausing and saying, “Okay, let’s take a breath. I really need to notice. What is my reaction right now? Am I having a reaction? Am I feeling anxious? Am I feeling upset?” And really take a moment and just be with that – it’s breathing through it. It’s making space for it. It’s not necessarily taking action when you’re in that heart space, or headspace, and then it’s really once we have our emotions in somewhat of a regulated state, then it’s about really thinking through, “Okay, what’s the conversation that I need to have?” Like you always talk about, Stacie, we want to begin with the end in mind.

[Stacie Watson] Right.

[Alicia Davis] Right? We want to go into the conversation with ideas of what we want to talk about, as well as an openness to hear what the other person’s experience is, and kind of guiding the conversation from that place.

[Stacie Watson] Yes, it is so critical, I think, for us to be able to do sort of this internal preparation, the emotional preparation of really trying to be as sort of steady and regulated as we can, and then to be really mentally prepared by thinking about, exactly as you said, “What is it that I would like as an outcome? What might the person want to talk about, or what might I need to prepare, whether it’s notes or information that I want to bring into the conversation?”

[Alicia Davis] That’s right.

[Stacie Watson] Just a little bit of time spent there can pay huge dividends when you actually roll into the conversation, which is what we’ll talk about next week, right? Sort of how to go about having what could be a difficult conversation.

[Alicia Davis] That’s right, absolutely. So I’m Alicia Davis…

[Stacie Watson] I’m Stacie Watson…

[Alicia Davis] And we are always here if you have questions or just want to reach out to us and let us know about having difficult conversations. We’d love to hear from you: info@TLStransforms.com. Thank you so much.

[Stacie Watson] Thank you.