[Alicia Davis] So, Stacie, last video, we were talking about how to have difficult conversations, because, unfortunately, we are hearing already that lots of managers and people just need to have these conversations. And so last time we talked about our internal preparation, right? How do we prepare ourselves mentally and emotionally? So today, we wanted to get really tactical and concrete about, well, how do we actually have the conversations, right?
[Stacie Watson] Yes, definitely. Well, it is important if we can, and we very much encourage you to do that sort of self-regulation, really doing what we can to get ready to sit down and have the conversation. And then I think some of the more tactical ways that we can enter into the conversation is, first of all, with some preparation. To have really specific examples of what expectations are in place for whatever the role is the person has, and if they’ve not been met, examples of how they’ve not been met. And I think that this is where kind of bringing a “both and” spirit to the conversation can be helpful, because it’s okay for the person that I’m talking to, to have feelings about what I’m saying. I mean, obviously, we need them to have the feelings in an appropriate way. That’s what they might not agree. They might be upset, and that’s okay, and I think this is where it gets tricky, but also really important, as a leader, to allow space for that, and then to come back to, “Yes, I certainly understand that this is disappointing to you, and let’s be clear about what this expectation is.” And even inviting them to say back what the expectation is, whatever we can do to reinforce understanding, I think, is important, right?
[Alicia Davis] That’s right, yeah. And, to be able to, you know, notice for yourself, again in that interaction, just having, maybe even slowing the conversation down a bit, like, right, when you notice, oh, I’m feeling a little defensive about what that person just said. Okay, just take a breath and see if you can shift from an even defensive, like reaction kind of comment, to even a little bit curious. Okay, and reflective, exactly like you said. So I hear you’re really upset. I understand you know that this is something that’s challenging for you and, like you said, reinforce in a really concrete way, the action or the behavior that you’re really wanting to establish, or, you know, really encourage that person to be exhibiting, right?
[Stacie Watson] Yes, definitely. And I think really, the final piece I would add is just bringing some sort of feedback loop to the conversation, so that you know that you’re going to come back together in a defined amount of time and just really focus on what the gap is, or whatever the issue is, so that you’re giving, if not real time feedback, at least close to real time feedback. And when people are getting better at whatever the issue is, noticing that is so important, right?
[Alicia Davis] That’s right.
[Stacie Watson] So that people, you know, the individual, has the idea that they can, in fact, improve. They can, in fact, meet the expectation. So I think it’s being just really on it and aware and again, that requires us to be in the present moment, so…
[Alicia Davis] That’s right, that’s right. So I’m Alicia Davis…
[Stacie Watson] And I’m Stacie Watson…
[Alicia Davis] Thanks so much, and you can always reach out to us – info@TLStransforms.com. Take care.
[Stacie Watson] Thank you.
