[Stacie Watson] So here’s the real truth about self-care. Self-care is absolutely impossible without self-compassion.

[Alicia Davis] That is so true, Stacie, and we’ve been doing this four-part series about the truth about self-care. And today is about how do we practice self-compassion. And self-compassion is a feeling as much as a practice. And so, basically, my guess is that you probably have some really good friends. Yes?

[Stacie Watson] I do have good friends. Absolutely.

[Alicia Davis] I hope including me.

[Stacie Watson] Yes, for sure.

[Alicia Davis] So if I came to you, and I said, I was I’m just having a real difficult time telling my boss that I need to take Friday off. And I’m, I’m just all over the place about it. What would you say to me?

[Stacie Watson] I would just explore some of what you’re trying to juggle and some of the details that you’re trying to manage, and then maybe strategize with you on how you might find the words, the courage, support yourself in whatever way you needed to, in order to go have that conversation.

[Alicia Davis] That’s right. And you would do it in that tone of voice that you just did, which was really kind and really gentle and really curious. And we do that with other people all the time.

[Stacie Watson] Yes.

[Alicia Davis] We don’t do it with ourselves. So this quote is from Kristin Neff. She’s the founder of a beautiful website called Self-Compassion. She says, “With self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and care that we would give to a good friend.” And so when we are noticing that we have set a boundary, and maybe we’re feeling guilty about it, or we’re feeling upset because somebody has expressed to us but they’re feeling disappointed. We told them no, we can’t go to the movies with you, because I have to study. Whatever it is, instead of being really hard on ourselves, and saying, I did something wrong. It’s more about, you know, what, I’m making this decision for myself. It’s okay, that I’m doing it. And, you know, in our other examples, in our other videos, Stacie, we’ve been talking about folks that are like our clients who have to work a lot and also really want to have a family life. Right?

[Stacie Watson] Yes. And I think the practice of starting to set boundaries and managing guilt, you know, sometimes those boundaries will work perfectly. We’ll say, we’re going to do this, and this is what we do, and we feel good about it. And it’s great. And other times, the best-laid plans may not go exactly as planned. Maybe we said we’re not going to work tonight. And then we ended up working tonight. So this is really where the practice of self-compassion can also be so helpful to recognize, okay, I had a plan, or I had a boundary that I set and then for whatever reason, things changed. So can I look at that and be kind to myself about that, just like I would if it was my friend that was sharing that with me. And recognize, I might not have done all of the things I plan to do, but I did some of them. Whatever we need to do to sort of help to understand, we all need some grace, as we think about what it means to practice self-care.

[Alicia Davis] That’s right. Another way to practice self-care that I’ve been doing over the last three years is, “How can I give myself space and grace?”

[Stacie Watson] Absolutely.

[Alicia Davis] So I’m Alicia Davis.

[Stacie Watson] I’m Stacie Watson.

[Alicia Davis] And we are the founders of Transformative Leadership Strategies, and we support leaders in practicing being while they are doing. Take good care. We’ll see you next time.

[Stacie Watson] Take care.