[Stacie Watson] Hey, Alicia.

[Alicia Davis] Stacie.

[Stacie Watson] Do you ever find that – you know – in our last video, we talked about setting boundaries…

[Alicia Davis] Yes.

[Stacie Watson] Do you find that when you try to set a boundary, you actually feel guilty about the boundary?

[Alicia Davis] Ah, many times! And I think it’s probably true for if you’re listening to us and you have ever felt guilty about setting a boundary, you are in the right place because we are debunking, we’re talking about the real truth about self-care. And this is our third part of the series. And we’re talking about how do we manage this guilty feeling, right Stacie? And it is a feeling that really comes up so strongly and can really stop us from setting the boundaries that we need to set so that we can really truly take care of ourselves, right?

[Stacie Watson] Yes, for sure. So Cheryl Ziegler in the Harvard Business Review has this quote, “No matter where you are, at home, or work, you feel like you should be elsewhere, getting something productive, done.” And I have had that experience myself, I think, through my entire adult life, and certainly, so many of you listening, I know can relate to this, because I hear it in the coaching that I do all the time. And it’s this idea that wherever we are, we’re worried that we’re not doing something somewhere else. So that’s constant push and pull. And it comes out in feelings of guilt, I think.

[Alicia Davis] That’s for sure. And guilt. It’s the I was talking about it as the shoulds days. Yeah, like when you notice in your mind that you are saying, well, I really should be going to my kid’s soccer game, and I’m staying home and I’m working on this report. Right? and you’re feeling guilty because you didn’t go to your kid’s game and you’re feeling upset cause you’re sitting there. And there’s no winning in that situation, right? And so, it disrupts our sleep, our mood, we’re cranky, what gets in the way of being present, and really being able to it to enjoy or really do what we’re doing in a way that feels good to us.

[Stacie Watson] Yeah. And I think this is really where this whole idea of awareness and mindset comes into play that we just, first of all, want to notice when we are experiencing these guilt feelings. And it’s not about judging the feelings, but just noticing the fact that we’re having them. And then much like we talked about in the previous video, making really clear conscious choices about what I’m going to do in this moment, or for the next two hours, and really saying, “I’m going to be here and I’m giving myself permission not to be over there.” And then when I’m over there, so if I’m working, I’m going to give myself permission not to be spending time with my family. And even just the simple act of giving ourselves permission can be very powerful when we’re dealing with those feelings of guilt.

[Alicia Davis] That’s exactly right. And so, we really encourage you, if you notice you are saying the word should. I always like to say stop “shoulding” on yourself.

[Stacie Watson] Yep.

[Alicia Davis] And make a conscious choice to do something differently.

[Stacie Watson] Absolutely.

[Alicia Davis] So I’m Alicia Davis.

[Stacie Watson] I’m Stacie Watson.

[Alicia Davis] And we are the co-owners of Transformative Leadership Strategies and we support leaders like you to focus on how they are being while they are doing. Take good care. See you next time.

[Stacie Watson] Take care.