[Alicia Davis] How often do you, as a nonprofit manager or supervisor, pause long enough to notice how you’re feeling at any given moment? Right, Stacie – you’re going into a really difficult conversation or maybe a challenging meeting, or maybe doing some feedback with somebody. And oftentimes, we just go into those just because we’re just doing one thing after another after another. And sometimes we don’t even pause long enough to notice, do we?
[Stacie Watson] No we don’t. And, you know, we’re talking about emotional intelligence over the next several weeks, and this is really the first component, which is all about our self-awareness.
[Alicia Davis] That’s right.
[Stacie Watson] You know, I used to have a woman that was on my team, and when she would get very stressed out or very anxious, it would come out kind of sideways. And so she started – she actually put a little thermometer, a picture of a thermometer – on her desk, and she would check in with herself on a regular basis. “How am I doing?” And she knew if she got over a certain level, it was probably going to affect how productive or effective she could be. And so I think this idea of checking in with ourselves is one that we don’t always do, but it really makes a big difference.
[Alicia Davis] That’s right. And so this model from Daniel Goleman, “Emotional Intelligence,” who is really the pioneer in identifying this perspective and approach to feelings. It’s a really simple question: “How am I feeling?” And sometimes you can also ask yourself, “What am I feeling?” So some of us that are more connected to how we experience sensations in our body, like, you might notice, “What am I feeling?” Well, I’m feeling like my chest is really tight. Oh, I’m noticing that my heart is beating a little faster. That means that I am feeling anxious or maybe feeling a little panicky. So sometimes asking “How am I feeling?” Or sometimes “What am I feeling?” can be a way to just check in. And actually, you know, Stacie, I’m really curious, you said this a minute ago, when you said that person started coming out sideways, if she didn’t notice her thermometer, what do you mean by that?
[Stacie Watson] Well, I mean, we’re gonna get into this in more detail as we talk about the model. You know, I think when we’re not aware of our feelings, often what happens is those feelings that we’re carrying around with us – frustration, stress, anxiety, anger, sadness – whatever it may be, really affect the way that we interact with other people. And we may not even always be aware of it. And that’s really the whole point of starting with awareness. You know, being able to recognize I am not my best self right now. And when I’m not my best self, it probably isn’t the time to try and embark on a new project or have a difficult conversation. If I can, you know, if I have the flexibility to avoid it. So, yes, I think that you know, how all of this is connected together is really the essence of emotional intelligence, which makes it such a powerful set of ideas to consider as a leader.
[Alicia Davis] That’s right. So we would love to hear from you. What are any ways that you notice your own emotions? How do you tap in? How do you check in? We’d love to hear from you DM us, or email us at info@TLStransforms.com. And I’m Alicia Davis.
[Stacie Watson] I’m Stacie Watson.
[Alicia Davis] We are the founders and co-owners of Transformative Leadership Strategies and we love supporting and working with nonprofit leaders and teams to support them in their emotional intelligence as well as their team’s emotional intelligence. So stay tuned for more. Thanks so much.
[Stacie Watson] Thank you.
